the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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