i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
