i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
