I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
