Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
