How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
