Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
my poor anus
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
