It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
