Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
