I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
