I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
