dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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