Me. At least after what I've been through.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
