remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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