My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
