I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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