Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
