used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
