I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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