im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
