if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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