i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
