Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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