dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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