1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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