I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
