You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
