i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
