hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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