Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
