I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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