my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
