I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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