the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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