talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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