What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
