New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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