Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
