Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
