Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize