Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
