It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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