Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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