Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize