I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
