either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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