Pants 0. Shit 1.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
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