i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
