I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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