Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize