She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
