wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
