i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
