my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
God gave him joint rollers for hands
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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