dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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