even my farts smell like vagina
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
