Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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