she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize