Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
