i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
