He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it's great music for shaving your balls
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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