I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
