i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize