I puked a lego.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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