Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
