Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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