I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
