apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
