Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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