Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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