I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
