Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
