Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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