Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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